Time marches on, and for all the parents out there, that means there’s always a set of school holidays on the way.
If your budget and time allows, you might be thinking about planning a family holiday – and whether that’s heading to the coast for a couple of weeks or taking a 24-hour flight to the northern hemisphere, it’s doubtless you deserve the break!
But just like holidaying with children means parenting in a new location, travelling when you’re neurodivergent – or your child is – means that wherever you go, there you are. Your neurodivergence doesn’t take holidays, but planning for considerations and accommodations allows everyone to make the most of the trip, while also making sure their own needs are being met.
We asked a neurodivergent Mum to keep a diary on a recent family holiday, and to share her experiences and travel tips with us. Here’s what she had to say.
Take it from me – as an adult diagnosed with ADHD who took her seven-year-old with ADHD (and undiagnosed, but probably ADHD, partner) globetrotting on a three-month working holiday, there are more than a few tips and tricks out there that can make travel an experience to remember for all the right reasons!
To add to your options, here are several of mine – feel free to take on board the advice that’s useful for you and your family… and ignore what isn’t!
Having the least inattentive of us handling the bookings and dates was key. My husband is more organised than me and loves the hyper-fixation of travel research, so he took the lead on booking flights, hotels and apartments across our trip.
We booked things as we went, which was very helpful when it came to the spanner in the works that was said husband getting shocking food poisoning and us staying in Singapore five days longer than planned. If everything had been booked, the knock-on effect would have been a nightmare.
Plus, waiting to book last minute also nets better last-minute deals on apartments!
We doubled down on our commitment to playing to my husband’s strengths when, during our very first international flight, our passports slid out of my handbag and disappeared three rows back without me realising – instantly making him the Keeper of Passports!
As a self-confessed coffee snob, my husband also sourced and returned with the best coffee in each city every morning… so his strength became my win.
As for me, I took the lead on morning childcare, including breakfast and pool time, finding local playgrounds, reading and (minimal) homework, the organising of mine and our kid’s luggage and items, and wrangling new washing machines in each city.
Google Translate – especially using the camera or photo function on the app – was vital, as was a bit of lateral thinking with some descriptions on washing machines coming from left field!
If organisation is no one’s strong suit, you might do well to find a travel agent to be your best friend.
In addition to holiday planning, a travel agent also offers an amazing extra set of eyes to pick up on potential issues before they become a problem – which could be a real bonus for the inattentive traveller (who, me?).
I’ve never forgotten an experience relayed by our friends. When booking their own flights and accommodation for a trip to Bali, they were puzzled that online check in was only available for mum and the three kids, but not Dad. The sad, sorry mystery was solved at the airport when they realised dad couldn’t check in because his passport was set to expire in five months (lots of countries require six months’ validity on passports before you can enter).
The result? Mum travelled with three kids on her own, while Dad hurriedly got a new passport photo taken, went to the city to pay for an emergency passport, and then paid for another, expensive flight to get him to Bali the next day.
This wouldn’t have happened if they had used their usual travel agent!
To be honest, this one feels like a mega-list, but it got us holiday ready and off to see the world. We packed:
Before we left we also paid for a session with our occupational therapist (OT) where she wrote (and laminated) a whole series of games and exercises we could do on the road to help with ongoing OT goals.
From using the painter’s tape for obstacle courses to playing tug-of-war with towels, she had lots of games and ideas for us to implement and – bonus – we have continued using this guide when our kiddo has taken a therapy breaks.
We really should have packed an Australian power board or two so we could use just one converter to charge/use multiple Australian electronics!
Have you heard about the Hidden Disabilities Sunflower? Our family didn’t use it on this trip, but we know lots who have, and we’ve heard nothing but positive things.
Some disabilities, conditions and chronic illnesses are not immediately obvious to others – and for some people, that can make it hard to understand and believe that a person with a ‘non-visible’ condition genuinely needs support.
That’s why the internationally-recognised Hidden Disabilities Sunflower was created – to encourage inclusivity, acceptance and understanding.
It's a simple tool for people to share with others that they have a hidden disability and might need extra help, understanding, or just more time.
Another thing to try to lock in before you go is signing all your family members up to the frequent flyer programs of the airlines you’re travelling with.
Some airlines also allow family pooling, which means everyone’s points are put together – which is great if they boost you up to a level where you can then access airline lounges, because airports are expensive and free food and drinks in the lounge are welcome.
Lounges also provide more quiet space for regulating yourself and others, and an opportunity to support your child to learn about appropriate behaviours – like monitoring voice volume and showing consideration for others.
Resist overpacking! I know everyone says it, but very few listen, including us. So, we overpacked.
We had the extra degree of difficulty in starting and ending our trip in sunny, hot Vietnam, while experiencing rain, wind and – briefly and excitingly – snow in Europe and the United Kingdom, but we still had about 30 per cent too much luggage, even accounting for things lost on the way.
Remember that you’ll probably buy some things on the road too, so if you can, leave room!
We had new hardshell suitcases which looked like they could fit loads in them… but they really didn’t. The trunk-style hard shell suitcases mean you need to limit your belongings and distribute them on each side of the suitcase evenly, and they open right up and take up lots of floorspace too, so be aware.
I could go on and on about the benefits of our old backpacks vs suitcases, but luggage is a personal choice with advantages and disadvantages to every option!
Also, if you’re flying on budget carriers you may have to pay extra to take a small rolling cabin bag as carry-on. Every airline seems to have strange, arbitrary rules, so brace yourself.
We bought two pairs of Uniqlo Grade 3 Heat Tech long johns and three same grade tops in Berlin. I had bought a single set of long johns and a top and managed to lose them in our house before we left, likely in mountainous peaks of clean washing. That’s inattentive ADHD for you!
The Heat Tech tops were fine on their own or under short sleeves or long sleeves, and the long johns fit well under the usual cotton jogger jeans or track pants.
The Heat Tech long john, top, socks, gloves and beanie combo (along with a very warm puffer jacket) kept our son content, even on a freezing cold, three-hour Cold War Berlin tour that was definitely not engaging for children.
There were four apps our family relied on constantly – and I mean, constantly.
There are also lots of apps and podcasts that are specific to neurodivergent users, and I’m a superfan of several.
Always remember to keep prescription medications in their original packaging, with your details on the sticker, and pack a letter from your doctor explaining the medication and dosage.
We made sure to check the regulations for the countries we were travelling to, especially for Schedule 8 drugs (which can include ADHD medication). If you’re off on a trip you may wish to seek advice from your doctor and your destination country’s customs websites.
Make sure you pack enough prescription medication in your carry-on bag to tide you over if your checked luggage is lost and find out whether over-the-counter medication is available and convenient to access in your destination or if you need to pack that too.
If it’s easy to carry or it’s a brand you like more than others, you might decide to bring some from home. Otherwise, for things like paracetamol, ibuprofen, band-aids, antacids and the like, it’s usually fine to pick up over-the-counter supplies locally.
Here are five things that really helped us on our trip:
Finding opportunities to connect with kids anywhere and everywhere was important for our only child.
Max spent loads of time with us and the benefit to that was that he grew so much – we saw it happening in front of our eyes! He literally got taller, and new teeth arrived, but it was his understanding of humour (especially our slightly bananas, off-kilter family humour) that really developed as we travelled. We all love to laugh and make each other laugh and it showed.
But no matter how much fun he had with mum and dad, we could tell Max was missing his friends and the company of children his own age. Spending time with older cousins was amazing but we also tried to engineer opportunities for him to play with other kids.
The friendliest places of all were Ireland and Northern Ireland. We found some kids in Belfast playing soccer on an asphalt court with soccer goals – and they were so good!
“Go and ask if you can join in. What do you care? You’ll never see them again, just go,” we said to our son. But he was shy, understandably.
Enter Mummy.
I yelled out: “This is Max, he’s seven, we’re from Australia, and we’re here for one day. Can he play with you please?” and the motley crew of kids welcomed him in.
They worked out names and ages (they were all about seven too) and then they raced around for a good 40 minutes playing soccer. Even though Max wasn’t at their level – they clearly played with each other every day after school – he relished being with kids and they were so kind to him. The toughest thing for him was the Belfast accent, which he struggled to understand!
The next day, this time in Dublin, we found a playground in St Stephen’s Green and a boy the same age as Max ran right up to him and said: “Do you want to play with me?”. The boy asked if Max was Irish, and when he found out we were from Australia, Max (and us) seemed to be a bit of a hit.
Sadly, the playground shut soon after, so it was a short play, but we parted only after handing over a clip-on koala as a gift from our home.
As the granddaughter of immigrants, including my multilingual grandfather, I have dreams of being easily able to pick up languages other than English. Alas, I have not – unless you count the domestic Ukrainian that my cousins and I learned as children, which is basically how to offer food and understand when you’re in trouble.
But learning a little of each local language goes a long way, and if you can only learn one phrase, then ‘thank you’ does a lot of heavy lifting.
We made a point of teaching our son how to say ‘thank you’ in each local language. In Vietnam, that meant frantically playing the audio translation for ‘thank you very much’ repeatedly right before we needed it, so we could try to get the tonal aspect of the language as accurate as possible!
Train travel is a brilliant way to take you right into the centre of towns and it allows you to see the passing countryside on the way.
We booked a private compartment (second class) on the European Sleeper, and it was so much fun. The European Sleeper company finds unused sleeper carriages and puts them back on the rails for a slightly slower (less sensory overload!), more eco-friendly, and way more fun way to travel.
Our train host was brilliant with Max, and we got the ultimate cosy travel experience of seeing it snowing from the train windows (along with the exquisite hell of seeing snow for the very first time and not being able to interact with it!).
And while it wasn’t the most restful of sleeps, the sleeper train was a novelty, it was much calmer, and it also covered a night of accommodation while getting us to our destination, so we get lots of bang for our buck!
Trains also don't have the same onerous security checks or luggage weights of airlines, and they deliver you right into town – so you’re saving time as well as money on a taxi or rideshare fare to the airport.
There were certainly some emotionally and mentally draining days, and we soon realised how tough travel days could be for everyone, but especially for Max.
Airport days in particular were their own unique stress, with queues, security and customs checks, finding gates and getting space in the overhead lockers just some of the challenges we faced.
As adults, it’s easy to forget how much we rush and how much we rush our kids, so we tried to keep the evening of a travel day quieter because we found Max to be really stimmy on arrival in each new city.
He was tired, he was picking up on our stress, and – just like us – he had the anticipation, excitement and anxiety of being in a new place and finding his next bed, as well as wondering what we’d be doing, how far we’d need to walk, and what would be on the menu.
He adjusted as we adjusted and, on the whole, we just tried to be extra patient with him and each other on a travel day.
Most staff associated with travel – like those working with customs, airlines, trains etc. – were absolutely brilliant with Max, which was lovely to see!
The last time my husband and I did a trip like this was 11 years ago. We had backpacks and no kid, and we stayed in cheap accommodation because we were constantly on the go, so we spent minimal time in our room.
On this trip, we needed to factor in lots of downtime – not just because we were working while Max relaxed (and wow, that was a juggle!), but also because we wanted to make sure we had quality time together, with lots of connection and cuddles. When you’re seven, the world is very big and you need time to rest and recover… and the same could be said for us these days.
Imagine you’re told where to go all the time, hurried along, and told not to get in other people’s way. You’re uncertain about the menu and what you’ll be eating (though Max was great with eating brain ice cream in Romania and trying intestine pasta in Rome), and you want to play more video games, but it feels like you’re told all the time that you can’t.
That is a particularly bitter pill to swallow when the adults around you are on their phones – often looking up maps or booking tickets (but you don’t know that). It looks like they’re having fun, but you aren’t, and having no control feels yuck!
We tried to support our son’s choices as much as possible and also remind ourselves that the 'Big Trip' was a once-in-a-lifetime experience for him as well as us.
We wanted to make it good for Max too, and that meant prioritising time for him to be himself, to run and jump about, and to get wriggly and have squeezy cuddles with us.
Everyone needs time to regulate themselves and so we made sure Max knew it was fine if held us up for a minute or two, because adults hold other people up all the time, and this holiday was his to enjoy as well.
A subtle undertone of chaos is the nature of travel. Things won’t always go to plan, but rolling with the punches is really important – and that’s why we tried not to sweat the small stuff (and to minimise the meltdown triggers along the way).
Brace yourself that some things will be lost – our tally at the end of the trip was one pair of headphones, one scarf and one hat. While it’s annoying and everyone wants to hang onto their possessions, lost property is a something you’ll almost certainly face along the way, so try not to let it derail you.
Accommodation might fall through, taxi drivers could rip you off, it might rain, you might miss out on snow, who knows? With any luck, you won’t lose anything really important (loads of cash, passports etc.) and when things do inevitably go wrong, you’ll hopefully learn a lesson or have a funny story to tell once the situation has passed.
Above all, we tried to support each other to take responsibility and learn from things without pointing fingers, throwing someone under the bus, or suggesting helpful tips about how things might have been kept safer once they’d gone.
Our trip taught us all about the value of the reset – how to enjoy walking when you don’t want to walk any more, to be patient when maps are loading, and to realise that iPhone batteries on old phones really do run out quite quickly.
We consciously worked as a team, especially on the big travel days. While we did encourage Max to be responsible for his own backpack, and to take it on the plane with him, we also carried it if it got heavy. A bit of a metaphor for life as a family really!
We tried to hold each other in unconditional positive regard, especially on days with early starts (our record was a 2.30am wake up for a 5.20am international departure). It’s easy to gripe or snap at each other when you’re tired and stressed and rushing, but travel days were a big part of the Big Trip, so they needed to be positive too.
It goes more smoothly and is just nicer for everyone when you work as a team and lean into the chaos, anticipation and excitement of packing up together and getting on the road again to the next adventure.
And, no matter where you are in the world, if you’re with people you love and who love you, you’ll always feel at home.
